College Football Best Bets: Week 3 Noon Games

Ah, Week 3 of college football! The time of year when our favorite teams are knee-deep in the season and our betting slips are either overflowing with joy or buried in sorrow. Grab your popcorn, because we’re diving into the noon slate of games with the precision of a quarterback’s spiral and the humor of a tailgate party. Here’s the rundown of our top bets, served with a side of sass.

LSU vs. South Carolina: The Bayou Bengals and the Chicken Dance

The LSU Tigers are rolling into Columbia like they own the place, strutting as seven-point favorites against the South Carolina Gamecocks. ESPN’s College GameDay will be on hand, which means it’s not just a game; it’s a spectacle.

LSU's Offensive Fireworks

When it comes to offense, LSU isn’t just bringing a spark; they’re bringing the whole fireworks show. Garrett Nussmeier, the Tigers’ quarterback, is slinging touchdowns like he’s got a personal vendetta against the end zone. His arm is so strong that it might just break through the screen of your TV. With LSU’s offense ranked sixth nationally, they’re about as subtle as a bull in a china shop—except, of course, a very skilled bull.

South Carolina’s Defensive Jokes

On the flip side, the Gamecocks are more like the punchline of a bad joke. Their defense is all about making you laugh—mostly at their expense. Dylan Stewart, their freshman star, is causing a ruckus, but with South Carolina facing an offense like LSU’s, it’s like bringing a water gun to a flamethrower fight. Their quarterback, LaNorris Sellers, has a QBR so low it could be a floor number.

Game Prediction

LSU is flexing its muscles where South Carolina is still doing warm-up stretches. Expect LSU to cover the spread faster than you can say "Geaux Tigers!"

Pick: LSU -7

Oklahoma State vs. Tulsa: The In-State Showdown

Next up, the Oklahoma State Cowboys are galloping into Tulsa to face the Golden Hurricane. This game is about as local as it gets—think family feud but with less drama and more touchdowns.

Oklahoma State’s Defensive Drama

Oklahoma State’s defense is like a leaky bucket—it’s impressive how much water it can hold until it starts pouring out. Collin Oliver is out, and the replacement is about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. Their defense has been a rollercoaster, and not the fun kind—more like the “please, make it stop” kind.

Tulsa’s Offensive Surprise

Kirk Francis and the Tulsa Golden Hurricane are charging into this game like they’re late for a very important date. Tulsa’s offense has been like a surprise party—unpredictable and potentially game-changing. They’ve shown they can put up a fight, even if their defensive line is more of a speed bump than a brick wall.

Game Prediction

Oklahoma State’s defense might be ready for a nap, so expect Tulsa to keep this game closer than a pair of old jeans that refuse to let go.

Pick: Tulsa +18.5

North Texas vs. Texas Tech: The High-Scoring Fiesta

When North Texas meets Texas Tech, you can bet on a game that’s faster than a caffeinated squirrel. Both teams are all about speed—think of it as NASCAR meets college football.

Texas Tech’s Defensive Meltdown

Texas Tech’s defense is like Swiss cheese—full of holes and not very protective. They’re allowing more yards than a marathon runner in a 5K. If you’re looking for a defensive strategy, you might find better advice from a toddler with a water balloon.

North Texas’ Offensive Explosion

Chandler Morris and his Mean Green crew are ready to make this game look like a video game. Their offense is geared up to score faster than you can say “Touchdown!” They’ve got a receiving tandem that could probably catch a cold, let alone a football.

Game Prediction

With defenses this porous, expect both teams to rack up points like they’re playing in a pinball machine. Keep your eyes peeled for a scoreboard that’s as busy as a bee on caffeine.

Pick: Over 69.5 (Play to 71)

Alabama vs. Wisconsin: The Crimson Tide vs. The Badger Blues

Finally, the **Alabama Crimson Tide** will face the **Wisconsin Badgers** in a game that’s less about fireworks and more about who can grind out a win. This matchup is like a heavyweight boxing match where Alabama is the reigning champ, and Wisconsin is trying to land a punch.

Alabama’s Defensive Fortress

Alabama’s defense is like a brick wall—solid, imposing, and not really the type you want to mess with. They’re returning a squad that could probably stop a freight train, so Wisconsin’s offense might find themselves hitting a bit of a roadblock.

Wisconsin’s Offensive Missteps

Tyler Van Dyke might be a transfer from Miami, but if you’re expecting fireworks, you might be disappointed. Wisconsin’s offense is like a car with no engine—nice to look at, but not going anywhere fast. Their running game is struggling more than a diet during the holidays.

Game Prediction

With Alabama’s defense as sharp as a tack and Wisconsin’s offense resembling a slightly dull pencil, this game is shaping up to be a low-scoring affair. Expect the under to hit like a perfectly executed tackle.

Pick: Under 49.5

Have fun and good luck!